I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
