I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So vagazzling was a success
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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