R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Screwed.edu
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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