260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
