Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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