Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
