Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
