people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
