when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
