I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
