when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
