I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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