so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
