I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
