i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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