Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
