i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
