Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
