Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
