even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
