Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
