I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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