I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
