Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
