I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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