drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
