So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
kristin has been a bad kristin
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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