My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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