Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
