I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
