He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
