So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
