just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
