How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i think i have two assholes
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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