Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
