If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
