someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
