What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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