How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
