If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
