Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
