you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
