go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
