she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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