omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
