When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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