It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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