i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
