Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I want to walk on stilts...naked
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just invented taco cereal.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
