Three words: puerto rican gang bang
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
