It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
