Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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