In the future we'll all be gay
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
